urgfisflexible's Xanga

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 02:09:24 GMT

I'm in love with the world.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 02:06:38 GMT

I. don't. want. to. updatethisthing.

...adding to my grand list of things I don't want to do.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Glad You're Still Alive, etc., etc.

Hmm, so all you pagans...I'll ramble about my Christmas killings...
....
...
..
woo...new computer/printer--can't wait to spend a year setting it up...but I'm looking forward to being able to harass you at 2 flippin' gigahertz a second

...my Terminator-esque leather jacket...all it's missing is an Austrian accent.
...AFI "hands" shirt, Beatles "Revolver" shirt...sweet? to say the least.
...other stuff...uhm... iTunes for some good ol' fashioned legal music
...new shoes....brown/white Pumas from Journeys...muy, muy cool...and socks...sweet.

I think I'll horde up my best buy money...so I can waste it all at once.

Oh yeah, I got some books too...
--The Stories of Ray Bradbury- Ray Bradbury
--The Complete Writings of Edgar Allen Poe- duh.
--Othello- Shakespeare
--The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire--E. Gibbons
--The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories- Mark Twain
--According to the Rolling Stones-duh.
--Hell is Upon Us--uhmm can't remember...

^...i'm pretty sure that's cool....oh THAT'SSS right...i don't caree...

Yesh. hoping to do something (fun) for New Years Eve...

faretheewell.

^soo...he shreds.

^Eh.

Leave comments....because you care.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 03:00:09 GMT

Bleghh...you can just scroll a little farther down for the special "Pre-Christmas" insights.

I don't want to update this thing.

But if I don't...it'll end up like everything else I've ever attempted to maintain on the Internet...totally and completely abandoned.

So...I'm typing this because:
-a.) I do it for the kids.
-b.) I need to keep the material fresh for my fans.
-c.) I live to put a smile on children's faces
-d.) I'm on a quest to discover my true purpose in life
-e.) I'm living a lie.

I bet you don't know the answer.

Anyway.

Swimming = mucho gayo....enough said personas.

Hmm...i could be doing something tonight...but I'm not.
...i call it "screaming 'COOL' from the mountaintops", but whatever.
--------
So...there's 9 days 'til Christmas...which means it's time to tell you the true meaning of it all.

First things first, Christmas is about presents...and other things. But don't lie to yourself, you wouldn't care if it was Dr. Phil's birthday...as long as there were presents for you.

Instead of "All I Want For Christmas is To Be Yet Another Washed-Up Female Pop Sellout Cultivated in a Conscious Effort by MTV and a Record Company" by Mariah Carey...sing along to this little magical jingle...

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry f***ing Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim a$$
and f***ing celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist,
Merry f***ing Christmas!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu a$$
and f***ing celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist,
Merry f***ing Christmas!
God is going to kick your a$$
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry f***ing Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry F***ing Christmas, To You!
----
hahaha...no interpretation needed.

Well, you have yourselves a happy holiday season, eh?

^if Santa looked like this...you wouldn't care as long as you got presents.
Admit it.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 03:38:35 GMT

Bleghhhhhhhh...aghhh...oo....woo.

Snow day....yesssss. Any day off for generally vague and stupid reasons is a GOOD day off in my book.

Of course, they waited until the morning to show X's closings....so I had to do all of my homework and heinous amounts of studying...'cuz I ain't a gamblin' man...and of course, I get screwed over. And, of course, the next time a similar situation arises, I won't do my homework, and we'll have school. Excellent.

Anyway, did anyone else notice that Cincinnati is pathetic as far as snow goes? Honestly, 3 inches is the first 10 minutes in just about every other flipping place in the country that gets snow, and, being us, we panic every time a snowflake appears. And we wouldn't be ourselves if we didn't get irritable if we didn't have a day off for every time it snowed.

Ah...God bless Cincinnati...we're (I really mean you're) so clueless...but it's nice.

Hmmm.....

...so, swimming is at it's usual blegh-osity level...and it's about to hit big time with Christmas training...another reason to fear the holidays.

I'm sure it's going to take 989846 years for it to finally be Christmas break...arg.

On a Christmas note:
---If you ever, ever say "all i want for Christmas is youuuu" in a Mariah Carey-imitation...you will be shot.
---if you ever associate Christmas anything with MTV-anything...^see above.
---if you talk about Harry Potter during the holiday season, somewhere in the world a little baby dies on Santa's lap.
^you sick, inconsiderate ba***rds

Anyway...I'll have a-have a b-bluee (ooweeoo) Christmas without youu...

^I'll be the Davey and you'll be the facemakeup...or something.

^Don't talk about Harry Potter...do it for the kids.

... No more.... songs about you
After this one, I am done
You are, you are, you're gone

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 03:24:00 GMT

Woo.

No school, so can't complain...but I'm amazed at how little of a life I have.

I should tell you all about it in vague, emotional terms right here:
-....
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.......
......
...so yeah, that's about all I've got.

Anyway...saw "Harry Potter and the...whatever it was" today...and...
...never, ever go.
It's sort of like a "gee, i wonder what would hurt more, sticking a fork in my eye, or dropping a hammer on my groin" experience...in a movie theater setting.

Sooo I'm officially allowed to complain now...I've seen the stupidity in all its..stupid...-ness.

Yeeah...I'm...cool.

(scoffing is so immature)

^I'd buy a social life if only I had the money...

^this is the inner me...minus the leather pants, overtight blackness, and tatoos..but yes...me.

^Watching "The Godfather"...makes me feel as if I should be killing people...and an Italian

...comments...are my friends...

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 22:56:08 GMT

Can'tt moveeee...

Hooray for Thanksgiving...

Millions of people eating half their body weights in assorted fattening foods...
dee-lishh-us.

Hmm...I wonder how many pounds I put on today...

It's a good feeling...I guess.

Anyway...everyone knows Thanksgiving is just a prequel to the Christmas season. Go ahead and lie to yourself...but you know it's just something to do until you're FORCED to think about Christmas.

Just wait...after this weekend...turkey isn't special and Santa rules the world.

I won't complain about a few days off, though. It seems like a generally pointless holiday to have on a Thursday...but a pat on the back to whatever lazy guy thought it would be a good idea...it's people like that that make life worth living.

What to do...what to do...

The few hours after Thanksgiving are such a letdown. If you're like me (you're not, but pretend with me for a moment), you're too full and on an after-meal low to do anything...and everyone you know is suffering from the same thing...and you want to do something, while at the same time wanting to nap, all while wanting to eat some more.

It's a hard life, but we get by..one day at a time...one day at a time.

^It ain't no thing...

^...I was torn between that and "Pimpin' ain't easy..but it's necessary"

^-"Another Thanksgiving come and gone..."
-"...I can't believe I did that with your sister"

Another day...

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 01:51:01 GMT

Sometimes I wonder
question the sanity of it all
The necessity of raising up on high
to achieve a better fall
Of hanging from the highest steeple
dangling lovers from a thread
Death-heart's drop on unsuspecting crowds
Exaltation, cast aside,de*d .

Wow...am I a poet..or just bored...

Look what you've done to me now...
You've made me perfect

...oh dear...so true.

Anyway...I'm pretty doggone incredibly bored.
Gosh...doubles are lots of fun
You would love them, too.

Cartman: "Well you can just suck my balls, Mr. Garrison
Mr. Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry....
...Oh dear...this is hilarious.

^Grr...feeee-rosh-us!

Hear (nothing)
and see (no one)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 02:15:32 GMT


    But our love it was stronger by far than the love
          Of those who were older than we-
          Of many far wiser than we-
    And neither the angels in heaven above,
          Nor the demons down under the sea,
    Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
          Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

--from Annabel Lee->edgar allen poe.
Poetry is for lovers.

I want to  tell you a little story. 
'Cause It makes me warm inside.
It's about some friends growing up,
And all the thing they tried. 
I'm not talking about staple sh*t. 
They went for something more.
I guess it was too much dreaming.
Too much to hope for.
One day something funny happened.
But it scared the      out of me.
Their heads went in different directions.
And their friendship ceased to be.
I'm telling you I want it to work.
I don't like being hurt. 
Something's not right inside.  
And I can't always put it aside.
What can we do, what can we do?
Try.
Mr. Present, go away.
Come back and f**k with us some other day.
Mr. Feelings, run and hide.  
You have no right to what you feel inside.
Motherf**kers, quick to kiss.
Talk S**t, but don't f**k with this.
All I want to know is.  
Am I holding on?  Am I moving on?  
What can we do, 
what can we do?
Try.

---iffy on the lingua...i know.. --minor threat = <3

Hmm... 

Ordered pizza. Good.
Michigan lost, OSU won. Didn't care.
St. X won. Combine the previous two.

Hmm...daddyboy went for a run...outside.

Luckily, he didn't die. Three to one odds on next time he attempts it.

Went to Smokey Bones to watch random games and fill ourselves.

Pointless fun...is good fun.

I think UC lost to Murray State. Go...whatever they are.

....

Oh how I wish, I wish I had a social life.

...yours is pretty cheap, how about we make a trade..

...my soul, your life? eh?

Be that way, world.


^Tradeee youuu...


^Everytime you talk about Harry Potter...
...somewhere in the world a cute puppy dies.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 01:08:53 GMT

Hewoo...

Wow...school is so great. I. Love It. It. Is. So. Awesome.

^Teehee...i bet you can't tell I was being sarcastic.

Anyway, it's been brought to my attention that a good portion of you misguided youth are attending the Harry SmokesPotter movie tonight.

Before you...: a.) waste your parents' money
                   b.) waste precious hours sitting in the movie theater
                   c.) dress up, impersonate, quote, or otherwise talk about any of the Harry Potter characters, thus making you and the three million like you the biggest losers in the world
                .....there's something you need to know.

I thought I'd tell how the idea for the book reallyyy came about:

    Many years ago, back in the dark ages of "Friends", the world was wrapped in a dark shroud of crappy television and poisoned by a complete and total lack of humor. In a dank, moldy pub in south London, a middle-aged insane woman sat drinking away the payout on her husband's life insurance policy. The woman, nicknamed "J.K Row Ling" after her first prison sentence....had just killed her third husband...and her 8th sharp glass of ale served as her punishment, counseling, and recourse. J.K., technically, was an author, although she'd never written a single decent story in her life, and the term "author" was often deemed unfit to title a person who'd never crapped out a semi-readable book in her entire "career". So, there she sat and slammed away all the horrible memories of what an awful failure she was, and waited for the bizarre thoughts of random things that usually overwhelmed her at about that point. But this time, no drunken day dreams about Napolean conquering a land of pink unicorns, or King Kong picking dandelions in a field of porpoises came to her. No, this time something much worse took over her mind. No matter how hard she tried, JK couldn't push out the terrible images of a dream so pointless, so stupid...and so much like a bad children's fantasy novel. She writhed and twisted, falling off the rickety bar stool and collapsing onto the cold, moist floor of the dark room. Finding the woman struggling for breath, the bartender helped her to a bug-infested straw mattress. For days, she lay moaning about "Hogwarts" and "Harry Potter"...,'perhaps a former lover', the barman thought to himself. The woman's violent, coma-like state continued to worsen by the hour, as the deranged British female began chanting whole storylines for all of the characters she dreamed up in her crazed delirium. Finally, the bartender could take no more, and decided to put the lady out of her misery with a blow to the head via a large log. S the gritty, dungy basement furnace with a few extra briquettes, the man threw the piece of wood with all his might at his first and last lobotomy patient's forehead. The log collided with a gut-wrenching * * into J.K.'s feverish face. The sound alone made the poor fellow vomit all over the woman, and in his sickness he lurched forward to the ground. Wiping his brow and picking himself up, the man found to his great astonishment that the supposedly woman rose with him! Muttering only a few words about "crappy science-fiction cash cow", she rushed pass him, up the stairs, and out into the streets of London.....

What happened next, no one can tell for certain...

...but many years later, on a dreary evening much like the one where the crazed woman had run off into the chilly London night...the bartender sat reading his paper, an article about "Harry Potter", to be exact, and wondering how it was possible that he'd heard this particular story before...

End.
---------------

Go home kids...preserve your dignity...or try to win back what you've thrown away.

^Every time you talk about Harry Potter...somewhere in the world a cute little kitty dies.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 02:58:44 GMT

Ex-shhh-uh-lent.

Hmm...

Swimming actually went well today.
Hooray.

For all of their horrible-ness, morning swim meets are nice...I slept all day and blamed it on "the swim meet", "getting up so early", and "getting up so early for the swim meet"

Ha...gooood times...

Anywhoooo...

I've been digging up obscure music...which is always extraordinarily fun.

Well I'm off to play on the guitar
...like a mother flipping riot.

^If you know the song...i love you.

^Silly Beatles.